Saturday, March 26, 2011

Don't miss this post. It's deep and meaningful.

I'm back. Did you miss me? Wait. Don't answer that.

As I've been lying awake the past couple nights, fighting jet lag, I had some really great ideas for blog posts, so I made sure to jot down a few notes to remind myself of them once I had the chance to start typing things up. The notes read:

"we're back. survival. comfort of journey analogy? returning from family trip. travel experience with kids. bodily functions."

Um, OK. Those notes are not super helpful. Apparently one needs to be a little more descriptive in late-night note-taking (or else get some bigger paper, because the post-it was limiting.) Sorry to say that I now cannot remember a single word of the FABULOUSLY INTERESTING stories I was going to share, nor the DEEP AND MEANINGFUL INSIGHTS I had about our trip. However, I am pretty sure "bodily functions" refers to some sort of poop explosion (courtesy of O) and a taxi barf-fest (thank you, M.) So there you go.

But since we're on the topic of poop (sort-of), I need to ask a serious question.
What is the purpose of swim diapers? Because as far as I can tell those things do not work.

Problem 1: They don't retain liquids. I know this is unavoidable, and frankly, with the super absorbency of today's diapers, there is a serious risk that your child would immediately soak up all the pool water so that everyone else is left flailing in a puddle on the floor tiles while you stand there holding a baby with a bottom the size of Texas. But it's less of an issue than Problem 2.

Problem 2 (and this is truly unfortunate): They don't retain solids either. I mean, in THEORY they hold stuff in, so you are probably making your fellow swimmers feel better about sharing the pool with a small child. But in practice, that stuff dissipates faster than a group of teenagers at a kegger where the cops show up.
(I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to whoever was swimming at the hotel with us on Tuesday morning. Our bad.)
Am I missing something? Is there some sort of button I didn't fasten? Should I be using duct tape in conjunction with it? I just don't get it.

Overall, we had a really great time in New Orleans, and I'm sure I will remember more details as I get a few more posts up. Apparently there was some crazy lady in her pajamas in the lobby the first night, shouting at the manager to hurry up and get room service to deliver the warm milk we ordered 40 minutes ago because her kid was freaking out and if it doesn't show up soon she is going to SEND HIM DOWN TO THE FRONT DESK TO SLEEP WITH YOU. God. People are so unreasonable.

In other news, M took a close look at my teeth last night (as I was helping her brush hers) and said, "Mummy, your teeth sure are yellow." I thanked her and told her not to worry because I had a nice big glass of wine downstairs that would probably turn them purple instead. Kids are such gems.

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh out loud like a crazy person at work...yep, just doing my budgets over here nothing to see.