Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Who Needs Doctors When There's the Internet?

Well, hello.

What? Oh, that's just a photo of my son, O.

See, he bumps his forehead a lot, and when I say a lot, I mean ALL THE TIME and IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT. Jumping down the stairs, falling off sofas, playing Ring Around the Rosies, doing somersaults, bungee jumping, skydiving, whatever. So now there seems to be some sort of permanent lump on the right side, and I just feel better about the whole thing if I can dress him up in an alien costume. When he lets me take off his favorite pink princess dress and wings, that is. So, actually, it's more like

After much Googling, I took him to the doctor to express my worries about permanent dis-figuration, but she explained to me that he's two-and-a-half and short of putting him in a helmet and/or strapping him into the stroller every day all day, there's pretty much nothing you can do. Some kids just fall over a lot and tend to hurt themselves in the same places. Luckily the forehead is a pretty strong area, so give him some ibuprofen, ice it, and try not to spend so much time on the internet being a crazy person.

OK. Point taken.
(*Goes home and googles "clumsy kid relation to brain damage?*)

The doctor actually might have an excellent point about the Googling thing. I can really get myself ramped up looking up various childhood illness symptoms and linking them to the most horrible diseases on earth. Sniffles? Must be dangue fever! Sore belly? Definitely cancer. I know I'm being unreasonable when I do it, but it's really hard to stop myself.

I just feel like I might be more prepared if I have all the information. ALL OF IT. Even if it's irrelevant and taken out of context. Even if I have no medical training! Even I can't even spell dangue! (I mean dEngue! See, the internet DOES know things!) I'm trying to be better about it, but in asking the most innocent questions (How much Tylenol to give to a 13 kilo child?) you can get easily sidetracked by some horrible segue (Tylenol linked to death!). Recently, I've found it better to just call the doctor or make a quick appointment, so I can head myself off at the pass.

I felt better about the forehead situation after our visit, and we've started on the ibuprofen. Also in the interest of reducing head injuries, we made the bold move of removing the sides of his crib, which, in all its IKEA brilliance, turns into a cute toddler bed (assuming you can find the instructions, your allen key and some deeply buried reserves of patience). Now he can get in and out without diving headfirst from three feet off the ground.

I was worried he'd start getting up in the middle of the night, but so far he's stayed in bed, only coming in to our room around 6:30 a.m. It's probably because he's a good sleeper - that or he's scared of the little nighttime trolls living under his bed who like to bite the toes of boys getting up when it's still dark out.

Man, kids are so gullible!

Oh, don't worry, I'm just kidding. Trolls could give him nightmares! I actually said it was alligators.

In any case, it's been an okay transition so far. One major developmental thing down, only 54720 more to go (including potty training, getting rid of the pacifier, and learning to not shut drawers on your own fingers.)

Next time - How I tell M that TV will rot your brain and make it leak out of your ears unless she turns it off right NOW.

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