Friday, July 11, 2014
Stools
When you're not working, tasks and events expand to fit the time you have. Everything that you used to squeeze around work and into nights and weekends can now be done over a longer stretch of time, and if you think that you can't make shopping for a couple kitchen stools last more than an hour or two, you are wrong. Because I'm on day 37 of the Kitchen Stool Expedition and there are still no actual stools in my possession. (Also, the more I use the word "stools," the more I want to make jokes about it, and I don't think that's helping.)
I find myself doing a lot of things that I probably would have ignored before or just couldn't do because there wasn't time. Printing out and framing photos? Check. Taking too-small clothing to a charity shop? Check. Bathing my kids? Just kidding. I think we've established I don't do THAT very often.
There are definite advantages to staying at home - I'm able to give a lot more attention to schoolwork and extra-curricular activities. I can volunteer to help out at school. I can commit to and train for races. I can stay on top of all the household admin (which is increasing for us, with a recent decision to buy and do up a new house.) I'm also around for the kids - there to drop them off in the mornings and there to pick them up in the afternoon. Doctor appointments and hair cuts are easy to schedule.
I understand that it's a luxury to be able to spend time with the children without the financial pressure to work, but I can't help feeling that I still should be trying find a "career." The part of my identity that used to be filled with Media and E-Commerce is somewhat blank at the moment, and I'd like to start redefining it. Whenever I have to fill out the little blue and white landing card at UK airports, I feel slightly panicky when it comes to filling in the line marked Occupation. Like, what do I put? "Recently e-commerce but in-between gigs"? "Looking for a part-time role. Call me!"? "Official Purchaser of Stools"?
It comes down to the fact that right now I'm not willing to go back to an office job full time, and that limits my options. I know the resentment I end up feeling when I miss out on important bits of the kids lives, and I remember how tired and stressed I was being out all day and only getting home for bath and bedtime. I am enjoying this time at home, perhaps more so because I don't think it will be forever.
But I miss being part of a work team. I miss having a different place to go spend my day, where I can do something entirely unrelated to kids or school or home. It will happen again at some point - whether in the short term or a bit farther down the line. Good part-time roles are hard to find, but they do exist. In the meantime, I'll keep volunteering at school, running people to gymnastics classes, writing a bit, working out, shouting at the kids, researching kitchen bar stools.
Also:
100 bucks says that when you read this post title you though it was going to be about something else.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Hiatus
Well, let's try this again.
As it turns out, blog writing isn't hugely compatible with working/parenting/breathing (at least for me.) But now I'm back at home after a few years of gainful employment, and since I have aguilt for not working more free time and a nanny who helps out with the kids, I figure it wouldn't be bad to get this blog going again. Because surely with no job AND childcare, I should have many hours available to make significant contributions to society, right?? Of course! Many hours! Blogging counts as a contribution to society, surely. I'm also counting my eyebrow threading appointment on Thursday, because wow you do NOT want me to stop doing that...
Lucky for you I have actually learned some things in the last 3 years, which I think important to share. You can thank me later.
Important Wisdom:
1. Sometimes, when you think might get a family dog, it actually ends up being a third child. If this happens, do not also get a dog. That would be overkill.
2. Never cut up your child's food until you receive SPECIFIC instructions from them on how many pieces they want and whether they prefer triangles or squares. Get it in writing, if possible, because you cannot undo that shit.
3. When you have more than one kid, bath night should be an every other day thing at MOST. In winter, this stretches to every 3 days. The way that I see it, the clothing protects them from the dirt, right? If your clothing is that gross after school, I'm assuming it took the brunt of all the encounters with earthworms and playground equipment and the underlying skin is still pristine.
4. If you weave enough loom bands together and attach them to a pen, you can fire sharpened pencils at the baby's eyeballs, bow-and-arrow style.
5. You can never get all of your children to all behave well at the same time. The universe won't allow it.
6. Most children do not still have a pacifier when they are 18, so no biggie if they have one when they are little. Especially if it gives you 8 minutes of peace and quiet. Same goes for TV. Sometimes you have to let them rot their brains. You wouldn't want them to end up smarter than you anyway; it would upset the power balance.
7. If you are still wearing your pajamas while shouting at your kids to get dressed, they won't listen to you, even if you are using your best threats.
8. "You are never going to watch Frozen ever again!" is a very effective threat. Exception: See above.
9. A kid's tooth can get knocked back up into the gums and it will COME OUT AGAIN and completely recover. You, however, might not.
10. It doesn't matter what you pack your kids for entertainment on a long haul flight, they will only want to watch the iPad, roam the aisles or fight with each other. Everything else is just a 30 second distraction. On the other hand, you can never have too many snacks and changes of clothing.
There's probably more, but I have some other important contributions to make to society.
As it turns out, blog writing isn't hugely compatible with working/parenting/breathing (at least for me.) But now I'm back at home after a few years of gainful employment, and since I have a
Lucky for you I have actually learned some things in the last 3 years, which I think important to share. You can thank me later.
Important Wisdom:
1. Sometimes, when you think might get a family dog, it actually ends up being a third child. If this happens, do not also get a dog. That would be overkill.
2. Never cut up your child's food until you receive SPECIFIC instructions from them on how many pieces they want and whether they prefer triangles or squares. Get it in writing, if possible, because you cannot undo that shit.
3. When you have more than one kid, bath night should be an every other day thing at MOST. In winter, this stretches to every 3 days. The way that I see it, the clothing protects them from the dirt, right? If your clothing is that gross after school, I'm assuming it took the brunt of all the encounters with earthworms and playground equipment and the underlying skin is still pristine.
4. If you weave enough loom bands together and attach them to a pen, you can fire sharpened pencils at the baby's eyeballs, bow-and-arrow style.
5. You can never get all of your children to all behave well at the same time. The universe won't allow it.
6. Most children do not still have a pacifier when they are 18, so no biggie if they have one when they are little. Especially if it gives you 8 minutes of peace and quiet. Same goes for TV. Sometimes you have to let them rot their brains. You wouldn't want them to end up smarter than you anyway; it would upset the power balance.
7. If you are still wearing your pajamas while shouting at your kids to get dressed, they won't listen to you, even if you are using your best threats.
8. "You are never going to watch Frozen ever again!" is a very effective threat. Exception: See above.
9. A kid's tooth can get knocked back up into the gums and it will COME OUT AGAIN and completely recover. You, however, might not.
10. It doesn't matter what you pack your kids for entertainment on a long haul flight, they will only want to watch the iPad, roam the aisles or fight with each other. Everything else is just a 30 second distraction. On the other hand, you can never have too many snacks and changes of clothing.
There's probably more, but I have some other important contributions to make to society.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Snake in a Can
Do you remember that gag with the fake can of nuts and the cloth snake with a spring in it? "Hey, want a peanut? BOOIIINNGGG!"
That was a good one, huh?
And you know how it was really, really hard to get the stupid snake back into the container and close the lid because every time you'd have almost shoved the whole springy thing back in and maneuvered the lid into place it would shoot back out and the lid would fly off and you'd have to start over?
Because I am totally experiencing it again. Except instead of a fake can of nuts, it's a stroller, and instead of a springy snake, it's a screaming, flailing, totally freaking out two-year-old. "Hey, want a toddler? What? Why not?!"
Four times in the last week I've had to strap O into his stroller because he was having a fit. All of them have been the result of completely unreasonable reactions to mundane things like getting on a bus or dressing for school. I think it comes from his desire to control what he can (putting on pants, walking to the bus stop) and learning to be an independent being, and I understand all that. I also realize it's a phase that most kids go through, but wow, can it ever be unpleasant!
Sometimes I can head him off at the pass; when I know he's tired or if it's no big deal to let him do what he wants, then I'm happy to avoid a scene. But there are other times, like when he wants to eat lollipops at 7am or tries to throw himself into oncoming traffic, that I just can't give in. And when a little kid gets to the screaming, kicking, sobbing, shrieking stage, it's very, very difficult to do anything to stop it.
At home, you can let it pass. The kitchen floor will take a beating from stomping little feet, and I've learned to mentally block out the noise to a certain extent. But when you're out in public, things get more complicated. I've come up with a few steps to get through it:
What To Do When Your Small Child Freaks Out In Public
Step 1- Make calming noises and glance around to see who is looking (everyone.) Stroke child's hair soothingly but keep fingers away from biting mouth.
Step 2- Explain to the child why it is inappropriate to behave so badly for such a silly reason, ideally giving Back Story to all eavesdropping bystanders. "No, you can't take the 33 bus because we need the R68, and you are not allowed on your own because you are two. And it is unreasonable of you to demand that I repair your broken banana after you threw it on the floor because you didn't want it at first but now you do. Also, you are exhausted for having been up 4 times in the middle of the night, and I am trying to be patient but I too was up 4 times in the middle of night, and I still have to go home and cook dinner."
Step 3- Try to elicit sympathetic looks from those bystanders who haven't stuck their fingers in their ears from all the screaming.
Step 4- Apparently pretty much no one wants to listen to a screaming child, so you do what you can to remove yourself and the offending kid from the situation. As I've mentioned, the stroller is handy for quick getaway, but wow, do you ever look like a Terrible Parent when you are trying to strap down a screaming kid who is acting like the fabric on the seat is burning them and you are the devil who is making them sit in the evil, evil thing. Keep up the Sympathetic-Look-Eye-Contact, with an occasional So-Sorry-About-My-Crazy-Child-Smile.
Step 5- Run. (Yes, the child has to go with you.)
Step 6- Enlist significant other's help in opening bottle of wine.
OK, so it might not put me in the Parenting Hall of Fame, but it helps in a pinch. What do you do when your kid throws a tantrum?
That was a good one, huh?
And you know how it was really, really hard to get the stupid snake back into the container and close the lid because every time you'd have almost shoved the whole springy thing back in and maneuvered the lid into place it would shoot back out and the lid would fly off and you'd have to start over?
Because I am totally experiencing it again. Except instead of a fake can of nuts, it's a stroller, and instead of a springy snake, it's a screaming, flailing, totally freaking out two-year-old. "Hey, want a toddler? What? Why not?!"
Four times in the last week I've had to strap O into his stroller because he was having a fit. All of them have been the result of completely unreasonable reactions to mundane things like getting on a bus or dressing for school. I think it comes from his desire to control what he can (putting on pants, walking to the bus stop) and learning to be an independent being, and I understand all that. I also realize it's a phase that most kids go through, but wow, can it ever be unpleasant!
Sometimes I can head him off at the pass; when I know he's tired or if it's no big deal to let him do what he wants, then I'm happy to avoid a scene. But there are other times, like when he wants to eat lollipops at 7am or tries to throw himself into oncoming traffic, that I just can't give in. And when a little kid gets to the screaming, kicking, sobbing, shrieking stage, it's very, very difficult to do anything to stop it.
At home, you can let it pass. The kitchen floor will take a beating from stomping little feet, and I've learned to mentally block out the noise to a certain extent. But when you're out in public, things get more complicated. I've come up with a few steps to get through it:
What To Do When Your Small Child Freaks Out In Public
Step 1- Make calming noises and glance around to see who is looking (everyone.) Stroke child's hair soothingly but keep fingers away from biting mouth.
Step 2- Explain to the child why it is inappropriate to behave so badly for such a silly reason, ideally giving Back Story to all eavesdropping bystanders. "No, you can't take the 33 bus because we need the R68, and you are not allowed on your own because you are two. And it is unreasonable of you to demand that I repair your broken banana after you threw it on the floor because you didn't want it at first but now you do. Also, you are exhausted for having been up 4 times in the middle of the night, and I am trying to be patient but I too was up 4 times in the middle of night, and I still have to go home and cook dinner."
Step 3- Try to elicit sympathetic looks from those bystanders who haven't stuck their fingers in their ears from all the screaming.
Step 4- Apparently pretty much no one wants to listen to a screaming child, so you do what you can to remove yourself and the offending kid from the situation. As I've mentioned, the stroller is handy for quick getaway, but wow, do you ever look like a Terrible Parent when you are trying to strap down a screaming kid who is acting like the fabric on the seat is burning them and you are the devil who is making them sit in the evil, evil thing. Keep up the Sympathetic-Look-Eye-Contact, with an occasional So-Sorry-About-My-Crazy-Child-Smile.
Step 5- Run. (Yes, the child has to go with you.)
Step 6- Enlist significant other's help in opening bottle of wine.
OK, so it might not put me in the Parenting Hall of Fame, but it helps in a pinch. What do you do when your kid throws a tantrum?
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